The final countdown

Well it's my last week at work. Holy crap, this is so lame, they are actually expecting us to work. Do they realized they fired us? Now I have to admit some people here have been done working since we were told they were letting us go, but not me. I wanted to train them and make sure my accounts were well taken care of. Fast forward five months and I am so sick of this place I could scream. Granted I still want my group accounts to be taken care of, I have made some close personal relationships with some of them. However, after telling the Washington staff the same things over and over and over and over and over (I can keep going), I am plain worn out. It doesn't matter how hard I try they are never going to get it, my groups are screwed and I just want the hell out of here. The truth is they have too much on their plate to retain half of the stuff I tell them. Well that's what notes are for people. Oh that's right they don't know how to do that properly. Well I made excellent notes, read those, or are your eyes broken too? They have no sense of time management, in fact I am sure they don't even know what that term means. Anyway I digress... My point is in 3.10 days I am out of here! Then the real work begins.

As you all know, I am not getting a job, I have chosen to stay home with my kids. I am going to be blatantly honest, that scares the sh*t out of me. I am a very organized, motivated person, oh yeah and I love numbers. Not 1-20, complicated shit, I love accounting. I know where every penny of my money goes (a little less while intoxicated, I will admit). In fact I watch our money so close I think Kyle secretly stashes cash when he deposits paycheck so he doesn't have to deal with me! That's fine, I don't care, cause I don't want to have to give him money to buy tools and ruin the Jeep! I digress again.....

There are so many things I worry about. What if I hate it, what if they drive me crazy, what if we can't afford it, what if my lack of income screws up the house refinance in September, what if I loose motivation in life and I stop getting ready and don't know what day of the week it is? If I doesn't work out, I have lost a completely awesome baby sitter, I can never replace Polly. She is a super women, who my kids absolutely adore, not to mention she is completely affordable. If it doesn't work out, and I have to return to the work force, I (or Kyle) will have to get a second job just to pay for childcare, because it is going to cost so much more then we are paying Polly. Are these legitimate concerns, do other moms feel this way, do I hate my kids?

No, I love my kids, which is why I am choosing to stay home. I want them to have the best environment possible, I want to walk them to school in the morning and walk them home in the afternoon. However, I am really worried about supplemental income. Without my income we are out $300 a month, which doesn't sound like a lot, but that is our grocery bill or our gas expense. Also will I be spending more money while I bored, will I end up at the mall twice a week? Also we are going to have crappy insurance, that is also going to cost us more a month. So we are really out upwards of $600 a month. How do I adjust to life in a household that is now living paycheck to paycheck, scraping every penny to make it to the next pay day? Well I have to figure out some sort of supplemental income. So I really want to watch other peoples kids, but the whole point of me staying home is so that I can take my kids to activities. I have to take and pick up Ethan three days a week from school, and Paxton once. Also I want to go to the gym while they are at school. So 1. If I do that then when will I go to the gym (Kyle works 7-6) 2. I have to find some one that will let me drag their kids all over town 3. I will be stuck at home. Well I can't do call center work because of my loud kids, so that's out. I could do data entry but good luck finding an opening. So who knows. I guess we play it by ear and hope that I don't completely screw up our lives.